heat by tripling

April 18, 2024

The sun's rays is scorching the earth, making it impossible to step outside during the day. It feels like being enveloped in a thick wool blanket in the middle of a desert. The heat waves are hanging in my room, and I dare not shower after 9 am, fearing my skin will burn. Stepping outside after 8 am is a struggle. I've never experienced such intense heat before. Is this a sign that the world eventually burn? Doesn't really matter because everyone gonna die anyhow. Can't keep myself calm without the AC. Even if the AC turns off for 30 minutes, my body can't withstand it. The AC in my room is 12 years old. I remember the excitement I felt when I first got the AC installed, and since then, how things have changed around me and within myself. The once-white AC has turned yellowish, much like my life when I wasn't stressed about little things and was happy to have an extra 10 rupees to buy an Appy drink to have with samosa at school. Two things I will always be grateful for, keeping me calm, cool, and growing, are my AC and laptop.

As I lost myself in thoughts about my AC, it suddenly started making noise and then stopped working altogether. The PCB of the AC had burned due to low voltage. I was numb at that moment. I couldn't even call an electrician because it was around 1am. I was sweating, not just because of the heat but also because of the psychological thought that I couldn't survive this heat. Irritated, I wanted to break the AC remote. The whole night passed with a grumpy face as I watched "The Poor Things", and one line stuck with me where the lady said: "We must experience everything, not just the good, but degradation, horror, sadness. Then we can know the world, and when we know the world, the world is ours." This got me thinking about how people fear taking risks, struggle with making major decisions, and are scared of taking big leaps because of the pressure from society's expectations rather than their own well-being. Aesthetics and social media are engineered to hook you, consume content, and freeze your brain into always feeling less and making unnecessary changes to satisfy your own ego, even though they don't matter to anyone but you.

At 5 in the morning, my friend sent a reel link to the group because he couldn't sleep, thinking about this girl in a green kurti and now have lost some cells and sense. I was sure his suffering had started. You should never dream about anything that isn't professional. It kills both the moment you could have had, or you are unlucky, and it will just remain a dream. The latter happens most often. Since we were both awake, we decided to go for a scooty ride. I called the other two friends; one wasn't sleeping because maybe he was overthinking, or maybe not, I don't know. I am probably sure he was doing that—who doesn't at this hour? I am sure he will say yes to come with us now, killing the goals he was seeing to achieve the next morning. I was sure because he is me, and I am like this. The other one didn't pick up because he was having a peaceful sleep since he has a girl to keep who didn't leave him in a situationship, lol.

There is something in the boys' group when we go on a tripling. We either make hard jokes on each other or we talk real stuff. This feeling is irreplaceable. As we rode through the empty streets, the cool breeze provided a momentary relief from the oppressive heat. The world seemed different at this hour, quieter and more peaceful. It made me wonder if the cracks in our lives, like the ones in my AC, could be mended with a change in perspective. Maybe the key to finding calmness lies not in constantly seeking more, but in appreciating what we already have, like we do when we need to hard accept certain delusion or live in denial. Simple, who cares? not me.

Much like the scorching heat, Life can be relentless and unforgiving. But just as we find ways to cope with the heat, I guess we can find ways to navigate certain challenges that life throws at us. I mean It's not always about avoiding the discomfort but about learning to embrace it and grow from it. Sometimes, the simple things, like a late-night scooty ride with a friend you have spend your entire childhood, reminds me that even in the midst of the heat in life, there are moments of coolness and calm to be found.